


Less Alone

by roryteller



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Asexual Character, Coming Out, Gen, Lesbian Character, panromantic character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-13
Updated: 2016-11-13
Packaged: 2018-08-30 19:20:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,046
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8545960
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/roryteller/pseuds/roryteller
Summary: Alex finally gets up the nerve to come out to Kara, but when she does, Kara's reaction is not quite what she was hoping for. Turns out she's given Kara quite a bit to think about, and a few days later Kara has something to tell her.
Mentions of pre-relationship Alex/Maggie and Kara/Lena, past Kara/James and Kara/Adam. Canon Compliant through 2x05.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I told my beta, [Reese](http://yokothetypo.tumblr.com/), that I needed about 10,000 coming out fics to tide me over to Monday, so I started writing one, but it didn't really click until I started thinking about Kara being ace.
> 
> So... enjoy.

Alex and Kara walked along the water. It was peaceful, the sun was out, and for once, no one was terrorizing the city—a rare moment of calm.

Alex could only hope it would hold long enough for her to get her words out, because they'd been sticking in her throat all afternoon. It was worse than telling Maggie, even though Alex had rehearsed it in front of the mirror—'Kara, I'm gay'.

“Kara,” she said, and even that was hard, because if Kara rejected her (Alex had to tell herself that Kara wouldn't) it would devastate her as nothing else ever could. “You remember how I said I was confused about something the other day?”

“Yeah. Are you okay?”

“I'm fine,” said Alex, and it was a lie, but not one she bothered to make convincing. “Actually, well, I figured it out.”

“That's good. Isn't it?”

“Yes,” said Alex, and that was true, it was good, but god was it scary. “And it's, it's not something bad, but it might come as a surprise, and...”

“Alex, whatever it is, please just tell me.”

Alex stopped in her tracks and took a good look at Kara, at the worry in her eyes. Immediately she felt guilty, remembering the last time she had to break news to Kara—after Astra's death. “It's not—I only just realized this but... you know how I had all those bad relationships back in college?”

Kara nodded. “Yeah, some of those guys were pretty bad. Remember the one who lectured me about the evils of corn syrup for like an hour? And then he started telling me about contrails or something. I thought I was going to die of boredom!”

Alex laughed, relieved to talk about that for a moment because after all this time it was safe, she could laugh about it. “Yeah, I don't know what I saw in him.” She took a deep breath. “And now, I haven't dated in a couple of years, but-”

“Because of work?” But Alex could hear the unspoken question, the vulnerability, could read Kara better than anyone.

“Kara, this isn't about you, it's... it's more complicated than that.”

“It is?”

Alex half turned, looked off into the distance. This was scary, even without eye contact. “It's, well... yes, I was busy with work, but also... none of those relationships in college seemed _right_. Even though they weren't _all_ douchebags, I... well, I enjoyed some of their company, I guess, but the intimacy... I never really got it.” Kara was probably blushing even at that mild euphemism, but Alex didn't turn to look, just focused on the water, the gentle waves lapping at the other shore. “I just figured it wasn't for me. And when, well, when you're not really enjoying it, it doesn't feel like much of a reason to go looking for a relationship, you know? Or maybe you don't.”

“Huh,” said Kara, in a tone not so much of surprise but of realization. “I... actually, I do.”

Alex turned to look at Kara at last. Kara's eyes were wide, watching her, and she looked kind of like Alex felt, a couple of days ago, like things were finally falling into place and it was all a little scary. _Huh._ “Really?”

Kara blushed. “Yeah, I mean I didn't... I didn't get that far with most of the guys I dated but... it was partly because I didn't want to. I thought maybe because I'm Kryptonian, maybe I'm just not compatible that way with people here, even though, well, we're not that different. I'm sorry, you were saying?”

“Yeah. Well... I met someone recently and I just... I really, really wanted to spend time with her. All the time. We just _clicked_. That doesn't happen much with me. And I guess I must have sounded flirty or something, because she said a few things, and I got to thinking... what if I just wasn't with the right people? What if...” Alex took a deep breath, kind of wished she wasn't doing this sober. “What if... what if I'm gay? And everything just suddenly made sense.”

Kara sat down on a bench, frowning, then looked up at Alex. “I'm glad for you, that you figured it out. So, uh, have I met her? Are you dating now?”

“Yes and no,” said Alex, joining Kara on the bench. “It's... it's Maggie Sawyer. I sort of told her I like girls but I don't think she's looking for anyone right now. It's been rough for her, lately.”

“Oh,” said Kara. “Well, she's, she's pretty cool. I guess I can see how you'd like her.”

Something about Kara seemed... dim. Worried, maybe? Not overtly disapproving, but not quite as positive as Alex would have liked.

“Are we good?”

Kara took a moment to reply, apparently lost in thought, but she smiled when she looked up. “Why wouldn't we be?”

* * *

 

Alex didn't seem to realize it, but she'd given Kara a lot to think about. The idea that maybe there was a reason why she'd never let any of her boyfriends go all the way—when the relationship even lasted long for them to consider it.

In high school it was simple—she was too young, not ready yet, and it didn't really come up. In college, she told herself that she wasn't sure of her control, that she was afraid to hurt them, or just to accidentally reveal herself as an alien. But her control had improved over the years, and that last excuse didn't really make sense anymore, since her last relationship had been with James.

She'd really wanted that relationship, too, had been charmed by his good looks and courage and sense of humor and... everything, really. It had seemed like it would be perfect. But she'd gotten scared, nervousness invading their every interaction, and not the almost pleasant butterflies-in-the-stomach nervousness, either. She'd gotten scared of where the relationship might be going, and scared of somehow ruining everything, and she'd missed the easier camaraderie of their friendship, so she'd called it off.

But maybe there was a reason she hadn't wanted to go any further with him. Still didn't want to, even now.

_Am I gay?_

Kara tried to imagine kissing a girl, and almost dropped her latest doughnut when the girl came out looking a heck of a lot like Lena Luthor, who she suddenly wanted very, very badly to kiss. She opened her eyes, took a deep breath, closed them again. Tried to imagine taking things further. Cuddling was good, and dates, but when she tried to picture Lena touching her in... in her private place it was just...

“No, no, no, no, no!” Her eyes flew open and her face contorted and it was just... ugh.

It was still uncomfortable and weird and icky, to the point that she almost didn't want to eat her doughnut anymore, even though it was a cruller. The last cruller, in fact, from her favorite doughnut shop.

She set it down for the moment and considered. She liked kissing James, too. And Adam, as weird as it had been going out with Cat's son. She'd even kiss James again, except that would make things weird again, and he'd probably expect to pick up where they left off, and she'd have to explain that that wasn't what she wanted, and...

_Maybe we could have made it work, if I'd figured it out in time. But it might be too late now._

* * *

 

Kara didn't get a chance to talk to Alex privately for several days after that, and every time Kara did see Alex she seemed a bit down, a bit distant.

When Kara finally had a moment, though, she pulled Alex aside at the DEO. “Sister night? Tonight?”

“Sure!” said Alex. “If... you still want to.”

Kara frowned. “Of course I want to!” _Why would she think I wouldn't?_ Kara thought back over the last few days. _Oh._ “Did... did you think I was upset with what you told me the other day? I'm so sorry! I wasn't, it's just, I was thinking about some things and—I'll tell you tonight, okay?”

“Okay...” said Alex, but she looked relieved.

* * *

 

Kara made sure to get Alex's favorite flavor of ice cream, by way of apology. She also gave Alex a big hug as soon as she walked in the door.

“Hey,” said Alex. “What was that for? Not that I mind.”

“It's just... if I ever made you feel that I would think less of you for being gay, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it, and I love you and I want you to be happy, and it's just, I was thinking about some things but I'm-” Kara stopped talking as Alex hugged her tightly.

“I love you too, even if you are a massive pain in the ass sometimes,” said Alex.

“Hey! I resent that remark.”

“So... you were going to tell me something?”

“Um, yeah.” Kara went and sat on the couch, hoping Alex would take the hint.

Alex did, settling down next to her and crossing her arms.

“So, what you said the other day, about thinking you just weren't made for intimacy, it made me think.”

“You said you could understand,” said Alex.

“Yeah. Yeah. I... I think that's kind of part of what made me not sure about dating James. I didn't know what to do next and I felt like he would want something... that scared me. And after what you said, I wondered if maybe, if there was another reason, but... I don't think I want to do that kind of thing with anybody. And, uh, maybe that's not just a Kryptonian thing, I mean, I didn't, obviously I didn't know much about that kind of stuff on Krypton, people didn't really talk about it, especially not with kids, but I'm pretty sure... you know, that not everyone felt how I do. And I'd never... ever in a million years ask, but Lois and Clark must... right?”

“I don't think I'd ever ask, either,” said Alex, “but... probably? Does it matter though? I mean, does it matter if it's because you're Kryptonian or because you're you?”

“I... I don't know. Maybe it doesn't. But there's something else. I think... I still like guys, but I think I like girls. I'd date one. Maybe.”

Alex blinked. “Oh.” She seemed to take a moment to digest it, more surprised, apparently, than she had been by Kara's first revelation. “So... is there anyone in particular? I told you about Maggie, remember.”

“Um.” Kara wanted to tell Alex, but she also didn't. What would she think? “Lena. Maybe.”

“Lena? Lena _Luthor_?” Alex's eyebrows shot up.

“She's not like her brother,” said Kara.

“You know what? I actually believe that. I think _Clark_ even believes that. And the way she looks at you? You might even have a shot.”

“Wait, what? Really?”

“I'm serious. Did you see how jealous she was, when she saw me with you? But be careful. She doesn't like aliens, right?”

“She knows we're not _all_ bad, and I think she respects Supergirl,” said Kara. She couldn't believe that Lena Luthor, of all people, would seriously be into her.... but she also couldn't believe Lena would intentionally hurt her. “But it's not like I'm planning to run over there and tell her who I am just because I think she's pretty.”

“Good. You know... just because I came out to you, didn't mean you had to tell me, but I'm glad you did. It makes me feel... less alone.” Alex gave a melancholy little smile. “I hardly know any gay people, you know? Or... bi, or pan, or however you identify. There's me, and you, and Maggie, and _maybe_ Lena, and as far as I know everyone else is straight.”

“We'll find people.” Kara smiled back. “Winn is gonna... he's gonna laugh so hard when I tell him. About me, I mean. Did I ever tell you how he thought I was coming out as gay when I told him I was Supergirl?”

Alex snorted. “He what? I've gotta hear this one.”

“Well...” said Kara, warming up to her story, “I told him to meet me up on the roof, and...”


End file.
